Saturday, 18 June 2011

Courtesy Of

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400. I said "May I have large bills, please?" She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size". When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey!" I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply "I know. I already got that side".
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time - a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower". I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not! Four is larger than two!"
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said "You gave me too much money". I said "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter and said "We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing". The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!" I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce'. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded "That's why we ask".
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita.
At a good bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing' our manager commented cheerfully "This is fun. We should do this more often". Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a" Leah?? NO. Lee - A?? NOPE. Lay-a?? NO. Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name she said "The dash don't be silent."
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
One of my friends once had his photos taken at a local photo shop. The next day he went to pick them up but the person at the desk refused to give him his photos without the purchase slip and the photos themselves were not enough to convince him that it was actually the right person wanting his photos back.
I had been Christmas shopping. It was past 9pm, most of the stores had closed and I was tired and hungry. I came across one of the better-known fast food chain restaurants which was still open, but was about to close in 15 minutes. I hurried in and saw, to my dismay, that while the counter and dining room areas were still lit, the entire kitchen area was dark and very empty. I asked the counter girl if I could still get something to eat. She answered that although she couldn't cook me anything, they did have some hamburgers in the warmer. I ordered two hamburgers, plain. The girl grabbed her microphone and said to nobody "Two hamburgers, please, plain." Then she walked around to the dark and empty kitchen, took two hamburgers out of the warmer, walked back to the counter and served them to me.
I went to a clothing store and bought a skirt for $7. With tax my total came to $7.51; I handed the cashier $8.01 and she had to take out a calculator to figure out how much change she had to give me back. I told her she owed me 50 cents.
One of the requirements of borrowing money from the bank I was working at was to confirm the income of the individual either by way of pay stub or a letter from your employer. A young fellow came in one day and told me he wanted to borrow some money but he was training to be a professional wrestler so didn't have a steady stream of income. I asked him to get a letter drawn up confirming the amount and return to the bank as soon as possible. He wasn't clear on this so I told him he needed a piece of paper from his employer, saying how much money he makes, and it should have letterhead at the top of the page. Well, the next day he did return, with a letter done up in his own hand writing, saying "I, John Smith, make $1000 a month", and the word "Letterhead" clearly hand printed at the top of the page.
I work in a small town in Mississippi, right across the state line from Memphis, TN. At lunch one day, I was at Sonic and when the man asked for my order over the intercom, I told him that I wanted a BLT with cheese, no mayo. To which he promptly asked, "Would you like Lettuce and Tomato?"
I used to live in Hawaii on the island of Oahu and was the manager of a large tourist gift store. Customers would come up to me and see my manager name tag and ask. "Oh, Do you live here in Hawaii? I would respond... "No, I commute back and forth from California everyday".